Discovery

Each day is a discovery.


Some years ago i was dumbfounded when people asked me for my favorites, my likes and dislikes..... not that i didnt have any.....just that i hadn't crystallized those feelings towards things, places...food etc.

That was the time i liked some things....but i could bear with others as well, and never complain.

I dont know if i m choosing the right words to express what i want to.but the point here is that every now and then i stumble accross new behavioral patterns in me.....


Let me put it this way.......i now see my self in third person. I watch my self behave, win, lose, love, dislike, talk and everything. i m sure it isnt a conscious process but it is happenning. I dont know if this happens with you or not, but i all of a sudden i can see my limitations in certain fields and there are others where i know i m the best if i work on it.

People talk of mental and physiological transitions in the teen age. all that alrite but this is something i am experiencing for the first time, and that too 3 years past my teens?!

I some times am very frustrated at my own absent mindedness......and i m sure if i take an IQ test today i would do miserably. So many times i feel i was a brilliant intellectual when i was a kid, or when i was in school, to put that in perspective.

Is it because i had more time, opportunity, space, encouragement to think.
I think it is yes to all that. I dont think i was ever pressurised for marks at home during school and as long i was passing, it was ok (not OK with ma, i m sure). MSM school too was intellectually stimulating..... At that age i had answers to all problems facing the world. The Kashmir problem, Aids and Drought in Africa, American Hegemony, Extreme Socialism (communism).
May be then i had not been given a structure to think in. And now it is so difficult to break out of it. The TV, newspapers, professors, everybody wants me to think like they do. Every body talks of harmony and freedom. freedom of speech, freedom of religion. But where is the freedom of thought. Why does a 22 year old think that he is smarter than an 11 year old. why does your dad think that you are not 'mature' enough to take decisions, even those which affect only you and no one else? why cant u let me find everything out on my own.?

I dont remember who did but whoever said that the child is the father of man, hit the bull's eye.

We are all born with IT, the knowledge, the enlightenment. The knowledge here being talked about is not only spiritual but also the worldly and practical knowledge. Why, then, do we tie ourselves down with rituals, traditions, and 'practices' which are already in place.

Tell me if i am wrong, And i guess there is a hidden question in whatever i said, if u know what the question is please let me know along with the answer.




And another thing......is it with all guys or is it just me, At 22, i m not old enough to be thinking about relaxing rides on winding roads on a cruiser? Why is it that i m willing to take a ride on the thinderbird in the hills and not get into another red light drag with a CBZ or a Pulsar? I have done that a zillion times........and now when i ride a more powerful bike than most 100cc Japs, i dont even feel like getting into a drag, I now think of average top speed and not 0-60. Am i done and over with the adrenaline rush on 2 wheels already?

What's wrong? Will that high of seeing the traffing getting reduced to a blip on my rear view mirror never return?

I hope it does....... lest i become a buddha baba soon.

*draft posted 3 years after original post!*